


Avengers Motorcycle Club

by buckyscrystalqueen



Series: Avengers Motorcycle Club [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel AU - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-10-12 07:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17463119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyscrystalqueen/pseuds/buckyscrystalqueen





	1. Chapter 1

You knew within the first minute of the meeting starting that you were in the wrong place. Despite the fact that you most definitely were not an alcoholic, your abusive boyfriend, Jeff, insisted you were. He mandated you attend two meetings a week; never the same day, time or location. You agreed solely to avoid the abuse you were bound to receive if you said no.

When you heard the chairman begin his introduction for a PTSD group, your stomach dropped. How could you have gotten this wrong? You had looked at the schedule at least fifty times and it said this was supposed to be an AA meeting. But now, despite the fact that the meeting was just starting, you couldn’t leave. You didn’t want to know what the consequences would be if you had to tell Jeff that you were wrong. Last time, he broke three of your ribs. So instead, you tuned the group out; not wanting to invade their privacy and waited.

You came up with an elaborate lie; what the AA topic was, what were some of the things people had talked about, and how many people got sobriety coins at the end. You came up with lie after lie; making sure you had an answer to any and every possible question he could possibly throw your way. You were so caught up in your head, you missed the fact that everyone in the small room had spoken, except you.

With only a few minutes left, the chairman tried to get your attention as you nervously fiddled with the frayed cuffs of your over-size sweater. But being lost in fabricating your lie, you didn’t hear him. You didn’t hear the man next to you say ‘ma’am’ gently in an attempt to bring you out of your daze. You were brought into the moment, however when he reached out and gently touched your arm.

“I’m sorry!” You screamed out of habit as you lurched away from the touch. Your oversized sunglasses, which were covering your ever present black eyes, clattered to the ground as your hands flew up to protect your head. Your eyes squeezed close at the collective gasp in the room when your sleeves slid down your arms, revealing bruises in various stages of healing on your arms. When you realized you weren’t struck, you glanced over at the person who touched you with tears in your eyes and you could see your own pain reflected in his steel blue eyes.

“Please…” You whispered with a small shake of your head. “Please don’t tell him I’m at the wrong meeting.” The man’s brow furrowed as you got up and headed out the door; hoping that Jeff would be late that day so he wouldn’t see you leaving early. You forced yourself to hide your tears as you ran down the stairs.

“Hey, wait.” You heard a man yell as heavy foot steps followed you. You shook your head and ran faster. Your eyes focused on the blue Pinto in the parking lot with Jeff sitting in the front seat and your stomach dropped. You hit the main landing and tried to run toward the doors when the man who was following you grabbed your arm.

“No, please. Just let me go.” You begged as you tried to pull your arm free. You looked over your shoulder in a frantic attempt to find Jeff to make sure he wouldn’t see you with another man. Your stomach turned when you didn’t see him in the car anymore. “Please, he’ll kill me.”

“Who’s gunna kill you?” The man asked as he took ahold of your other arm and tried to stop your thrashing. “Hey, look at me!”

“(Y/N)!” Jeff’s voice rang out across the entry way of the building. Your whole body began to shake at his tone. “Get outside!”

“Did you do this to her?” The man demanded as he yanked up your sleeve and held your arm out to the side so Jeff could see it.

“No, please. Jeff, I swear, I didn’t say anything. Please…” You tried to pull your arm out of the man’s grip but he held you tight and glared daggers at Jeff.

“I’ll give you once chance to get the fuck out of here before I do to you what you have done to her.” The man said as he moved you behind his body; despite your protests. He pulled his long brown hair into a bun at his neck as Jeff scoffed.

“You ain’t doing shit, bitch. Get your fucking hands off my girl, shit head.”

“Sam, hold her.” The man said as he passed you off to one of the people in the meeting you hadn’t seen come down stairs.

“No, please! Please don’t!” You begged as someone; you assumed had to be Sam, wrapped his arms around you. Tears streamed down your cheeks as the man pulled back and slammed his fist into Jeff’s jaw so hard, it sent him flying through the glass doors. You screamed; knowing that, with how mad Jeff would be now, he was sure to kill you this time.

“It’s gunna be alright, sweetheart.” Sam said softly in your ear as he held you tight to his chest, despite your weak attempts to free yourself. “He will never hurt you again.”

“He’s gunna kill me.” You sobbed as you let your body go limp in his arms as your mystery hero beat the shit out of your boyfriend. You heard someone come running down the stairs but you couldn’t look away to see who it was.

“Bucky, enough! He’s down!” The short, light brown haired man said as he raced down the steps. He grabbed your mystery hero by the arm and pulled him away from Jeff’s beaten, partially unconscious body.

“Call Coulson and get him the fuck out of here. And call Nat and have her meet us at the ER.” Bucky said as he spit in Jeff’s face. He came back up the steps and looked at you. “I’m not gunna hurt you, doll.” He said as he held his hands up and slowed his pace a bit. “We’re just gunna help you.” You nodded weakly as Sam passed you off to Bucky. You fell into his chest and sobs wracked your body.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered over and over as he lifted you up and carried you outside to a pick-up. He gently put you down on the passenger seat and shook his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, doll. He’s the piece of shit, here. And I promise you, he will never lay a hand on you again.” You looked up into his blue eyes; eyes that told stories of his own pain and torment and for the first time in two years, you felt safe.

“Thank you.” You whispered. He gave you a small smile and moved a loose strand of his hair behind his ear. 

“It’s nothing.” He said as he pulled out of the truck and shut the door. You pulled the sleeves of your sweater back over your hands out of habit and looked around the truck. Your eyes landed on the leather kutte beside you with the Statue of Liberty reaper patch on it. It was the bust of the statue but she had a skull face, a crow on her shoulder and instead of a torch, she held a scythe. It was a patch everyone in Brooklyn knew; the Avengers MC.

——

“Can you just leave her alone, already? She’s been through hell and back and doesn’t need you pestering her for more details. Talk to Coulson; she’s already talked to him.” Natasha Romanoff snapped as she stared down deputy Maria Hill in your hospital room. The officer looked up at Nat and scowled.

“I’m just trying to do my job.” She said as she closed her notepad and pulled out her card. “If you need anything or have any thing else you need to tell me…” She reached out to hand the card to you but Nat grabbed it from her.

“Thanks.” She said as she looked pointedly at the door. The deputy looked at you once more before turning and heading out of the room. “Don’t trust her.” Nat said as she ripped up the card and threw it out. “Phil Coulson is the only cop you can trust. She’ll sweep what that piece of shit did to you under the rug.” You nodded as she sat back down in the chair by your bed.

“Why are you helping me?” You whispered; habitually cringing subconsciously for asking a question. Nat crossed her legs and shook her head as she pointed at you.

“Because you deserve it, baby girl. You have been treated like a punching bag and property for years. No woman deserves that.” 

“Where’s Bucky?” You jumped when someone knocked on the door and you looked over at the door.

“Hi, (Y/N). My name is Dr. Wanda Maximoff.” You gave her a small smile and curled yourself into a ball on the hospital bed as she flicked on the x-ray machine. “Now, how you managed to walk away with no broken bones is beyond me.” She said as she put film after film in the slot at the top. “You’re a tough girl, honey.” She said as she took a step back and looked at the x-rays again. After a moment, she turned around, grabbed a wheeling stool and pushed it over to you. With a single glance at Nat, Natasha got up and headed out of the room to give you some privacy.

“How many times have you had to reset your own bones?” She asked softly with a European accent you couldn’t place, as she scooted close enough to you that she would be able to hear your whispered response.

“Depends on which one you’re talking about.” You told her as you looked up at the pictures of your bones. “Shoulders are a weekly thing, my right arm once, left arm twice. Ankles he couldn’t do, so he brought me in for those which lead to questions so those got left alone. My ribs…”

“Are all in various stages of healing.” Dr. Maximoff said as she flipped open your chart and laid it on the bed as she looked at you. “(Y/N)… is he responsible for all of these?” You looked down at your lap and shook your head.

“I have a hard time remembering things like I’m supposed to.” You said softly as you played with the blanket that was wrapped around your shoulders. “It was just an accident. He didn’t mean to…” You heard her sigh as she rested her arms on the bed.

“No, honey. This isn’t an accident. This is abuse. This is not how you should be treated.” She said as she poked your chart with her finger. With a heavy sigh, she looked up at you. “You know that I have to report this.” She said. You nodded softly as tears filled your eyes.

“Where am I supposed to go?” Very cautiously, she stretched out her arm and took your hand in hers.

“We’ll figure that out, honey. But I can promise you, the club will make sure you are never hurt like that again.”

——

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked softly as he walked into your hospital room. You were waiting for the all clear from Dr. Maximoff and trying to figure out what you were going to do from here. You shrugged and pulled your blanket around you a bit more and looked at the vice president patch on the front of his kutte.

“Alive, thanks to you.” You said softly as you turned off the TV and scooted to the far corner of your hospital bed. Bucky watched you curiously as he walked over and grabbed a chair.

“That cock sucker has been arrested.” He said as he spun the chair around and sat on it backwards. “Coulson, who is a friend of the club’s, is going to make sure he spends the rest of his life in prison.” You nodded as you played with your thumbnail.

“What’s gunna happen to me?” You whispered as tears filled your eyes. You saw Bucky move out of the corner of your eye.

“We’re gunna take you in until you get on your feet again. You can stay with Natasha and Steve for a while. They have a big house…”

“Can I stay with you?” You asked quietly as you looked up at him. “I mean… I just… you rescued me. I have to repay that…”

“I want you to know that you absolutely do not have to repay me for helping you.” Bucky said as he sat down on the bed next to you as slowly as physically possible. “I had to save you.” You looked up at him as he sighed deeply. “You’ve seen pain that no human being should ever see. I saw it in your eyes…” 

“So have you.” You told him quietly and he nodded in agreement.

“Yea, I have.” He looked down at the bed as his head slowly bobbed. Against your better judgement, you reached out and touched his arm. His head turned toward it before looking back up at you. A small smile spread across his face. “I have a proposition for you. How about as payment for beating the shit out of that douchebag, we help each other conquer the demons we battle?” You smiled and nodded subtly.

“I think I can do that.” His smile grew as you pulled your hand back into your lap.

“Perfect. I’ll go see if the doc cleared you to go. She’s another friend of the club’s.” Your head bobbed as you looked back down at your hands.

“They took my clothes.” You said softly.

“We already figured that out. Wanda had Vis… well, his real name’s Mike, but we call him Vision, bring some of her things with him from their house.” You nodded some more as he got up off the bed and headed toward the door.

“Bucky?” You said as you looked up at him. He turned back around with his hand on the door knob and looked at you with his eyebrow raised. “Thank you.” He smiled and shook his head.

“Don’t thank me, doll. Just promise me you’ll let yourself get past this. Not all of us guys are pricks.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

You could hear the whispers almost a mile away as Bucky, Natasha and her husband, Steve; the short haired man from earlier and the club’s president, lead you into the club house late that night. You kept your head ducked, scanning the clubhouse through your eyelashes and avoiding eye contact. The room was a lot bigger than you expected. It had a long bar lining one wall to your right, directly across from three pool tables. Old couches and mis-matched chairs littered the area to your left. You could smell stale cigarette smoke, cheap beer and sex in the air as you followed Bucky toward an open doorway.

“She looks so broken.” One of the men said quietly to someone else as you walked past. You closed your eyes and bit your lip to stop your tears in their tracks. You suddenly slammed into Bucky’s back and landed hard on the floor; not seeing him stop directly in front of you to say something to the man.

“I'm sorry! I… I wasn’t looking… sorry… It’s my fault…”

“Hey, don’t apologize. It was an accident.” He said softly as he and Nat helped you up off the ground. Tears filled your eyes as you looked back down at the ground and wrung your fingers together.

“Chapel. Now.” Steve said as he stepped around Nat so you could see him. He crouched down so he was in your line of sight with a small smile. “Nat’s gunna get you set up in Bucky’s room, OK? She’ll stay with you until church is done.” You nodded as you looked away from him at your borrowed sneakers. He looked up at Bucky; his heart breaking for you as he stood back up. Natasha gently put her arm around your shoulder and lead you toward the doorway you had been heading to.

“What did he do to you, sweet girl?” She asked as she lead you down a long hallway. You shook your head and wiped away your tears. She pushed open the door to the last room on the right and lead you inside. As the door closed behind the two of you, you looked around the small room. 

There were clothes everywhere; on the small desk that sat to the right of the door and the chair that was right in front of it. There was a small pile outside the bathroom door next to the little table that had a coffee pot and a microwave on it. The drawers of the dresser off to your left were all pulled out and the clothes were hanging out of them. Pictures lined the mirror and posters of pin-up girls and Harleys decorated the cement walls. The two windows that were on either side of the full-size bed were cracked open to give the room some fresh air but the room still smelled like sweat, weed and cigarettes.

“Honey, you don’t have to do that.” Nat said as you took off your shoes and put them by the door. You began picking up clothes and putting them in the hamper. You knew you didn’t have to but whether it was the OCD you had had beaten into you or just nervous energy, you wanted to. Nat sighed and sat down on the bed; turning on some music as you quietly worked. Without any actual cleaning supplies it only took twenty minutes to have Bucky’s room put in some semblance of order. As you dropped the bag of trash you had collected by the door, you looked back at Natasha, who was simply watching you.

“Wanna come to my house? I could use a new cleaning lady.” You blushed and shrugged as you leaned against the wall by the door.

“Old habits die hard.” You said softly as you toed at the ground. “Though if you need me to, I don’t mind.” She shook her head as she pat the bed next to her.

“No, sweetie. I was kidding. You listen to me. Some of these guys are real block heads but not one of them would dare raise a hand to you ever. If they did, they answer to Steve and while he may come off as quiet and more reserved, he would kill someone if they ever laid a hand on a woman. Bucky, too. You don’t have to clean an inch of this club house or the dorms. That’s what the prospects and the croweaters are for and Lord knows we got a lot of those hanging around here.”

“What’s a croweater?” You asked as you glanced over at her from the corner of your eye. She sighed, turned on the bed and looked at you.

“You’re gunna need to learn to look at people when you talk to them, honey.” She said softly. “Start by looking here.” She pat her collarbone and waited for a moment. Very slowly, you turned your head and looked at the spot she pointed to. She smiled and slowly reached up to brush your hair behind your ears as she spoke. 

“A croweater is the name we call the girls that hang around, hoping that one of the guys here will ask them to be their girlfriend. They are kinda like gold diggers.” You nodded as she cupped your jaw in her hands. “We’re gunna get you back to normal, sweetheart. Take your time, I know you’ve been through a lot. You can help me out here in the shop office when you’re ready.” You looked at her green eyes for a moment and nodded before looking back at her shoulder.

“Thank you.” She let go of your cheeks with a small sigh as the door to the room opened. You gaze dropped back to the bed before you forced yourself to look up at Bucky as he paused in the doorway.

“Am I in the wrong room?” He asked as he stepped into the room and looked around.

“She cleaned. Tried to tell her not to.” He nodded as he pulled out his cigarettes from his pocket and toed off his shoes.

“Steve’s looking for you. Have a good night, Nat.” He said as he kicked his boots into the middle of the room and tossed his kutte on the desk. Habit took over and you stood up to put them away. “Freeze.” Bucky said as you bent down to pick them up. “Leave them. You don’t need to do that anymore.” He walked over to the bed and flopped down on it as you stood up straight, fighting the urge to move the boots. “You smoke?” You looked over at him and back down at the boots as your brow furrowed.

“I used to. Jeff made me stop.” Bucky nodded as he pat the bed next to him.

“Well if you wanna smoke, smoke. No one’s gunna tell you what to do anymore unless you keep staring at my shoes.” You blushed and glanced over at him before making your way over to the bed and taking the lit cigarette he was offering you. You took a long drag and nearly groaned at the taste. “You can sit down, doll.” You looked down at him and nodded as you sat down on the bed. You grabbed the ashtray off the table and balanced it on your knee as Bucky leaned back against the wall behind him.

“You don’t have to stay quiet, anymore. I know you gotta have questions.” He said after a minute as he ashed his cigarette.

“Why do you guys have a church here?” You asked as you spun your cigarette in the ashtray. Bucky chuckled as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“It’s what we call our club meetings. The chapel is a room off the main room where those meetings are held. It’s club members only.” You nodded as you took another drag of your cigarette

“How long have you been a member?” He exhaled audibly and tapped his cigarette against the ashtray.

“Since I was 18, so 11 years. Including the four I had to spend in the army.”

“By choice or expectation?” You glanced over at him for only a second but looked away when you realized he was watching you.

“Expectation. How long were you with that dickhead?” You took a drag of your smoke; realizing it was gone a lot quicker than you would have liked and put it out in the ashtray.

“Two years. He wasn’t always like that. He…” You voice trailed off as you tried to habitually pull at the sleeves of the borrowed long sleeve shirt. Bucky put his cigarette out and carefully put his hands on yours.

“You don’t have to hide anymore, (Y/N). You’re safe with me.” You nodded as tears welled in your eyes at the foreign concept of ‘safe’. He moved the ashtray off your knee and put it on the table behind him. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.” You nodded and laid down on the bed as close to the edge as you possibly could get. It was only a moment before Bucky reached over and pulled you toward him. 

“I know you can’t be comfortable on the edge like that.” He said as he flipped off the room light. As he got ready for bed in the dark, you scooted just a tiny bit closer to the edge and found a comfortable spot. A moment later, the bed dipped and you felt the warmth of his back up against yours. “Good night, (Y/N).” He said as he pulled the blankets up over the two of you.

“Good night, Bucky.” You returned as you tucked your knees up into your chest. You laid there for a while, waiting for him to fall asleep. The moment you were sure he was asleep, you climbed out of bed, moved his boots along the wall, folded his clothes from the day and put them on the dresser. You stepped out of your borrowed jeans and put them on the floor by your side of the bed and laid back down. Satisfied that your jobs for the day were complete, you closed your eyes and fell asleep.

——

Your internal clock woke you up at exactly 4:30 like it had every morning for the past year but unlike all the other times; this morning was vastly different. For one, you were still on the bed and not pushed onto the floor like Jeff typically did. Second, Bucky’s strong arm was draped across your stomach and his firm, broad chest was pressed against your back. 

Lastly, you were hot. Sweat was dripping down your neck from the body heat of the person behind you and the long sleeve shirt you had on. As carefully as you could, you tried to pull out of the hold only to have it tighten around you. You let out the smallest of whines and panic set in as you lifted the blanket and looked at his arm. His elbow was resting on your boney hip; his arm pressed up against your chest. As gently as you could, you placed your fingers around his wrist and lifted it off the mattress.  
His other hand, which you didn’t realize was under your head, snapped up and grabbed your wrist. You let out a sudden yelp of fear and instantly dropped his arm back on the mattress. He let go of your hand as your body started to shake against his.

“I’m sorry!” You whisper shouted as his breaths came out in short pants. “I just… I-I…”

“Sorry doll. That’s my fault.” He said softly as he rolled onto his back. You scrambled to the bathroom with tears in your eyes. You quietly pulled the door closed behind you and sank down on the ground against the wall next to it. You buried your face in your hands as cried for a few minutes before you heard a soft knock on the door above your head. You reached up and turned the door handle, letting it open an inch.

“Baby doll, I am so sorry.” Bucky said as he came into the bathroom. He sat down on the floor next to you and ran his hands through his hair. “I was having a nightmare and I just… shit. I’m so sorry.” You nodded; knowing that he meant what he said as you fiddled with your sweat soaked shirt. “You wanna come back to bed?”

“I have to do the chores.” You said softly. You heard Bucky sigh and you glanced over at him as he shook his head.

“No you don’t, baby. You don’t have to do chores like that anymore.” You nodded and looked back down at your hands in the dark room. You felt lost without having any sort of direction; without a purpose.

“What do I do?” You asked as you started to cry. Bucky scooted across the floor and pulled you into his lap.

“How about you come smoke a cigarette and go back to bed for a while. Or I’ll find something for you to watch on Netflix. If you wanna jump in the shower real fast to cool off, that’s OK, too. You can do whatever you want as long as it’s not a chore you usually did in the morning.” You nodded against his chest as he ran his fingers through your sweat damned hair. You sat there for a moment, waiting for him to give you some sort of direction; making up your own mind was not something you had had to do in years.

“Do you want to shower to cool down?” He asked after a minute when he realized your internal struggle. You nodded and bit your lip.

“Can I have a cigarette first?” You whispered; your voice barely loud enough to even you. You felt Bucky nod as he rubbed his hand on your arm.

“Of course, doll.” With a small nod, you scooted off his lap and got up off the floor. You followed Bucky back into the bedroom and paused a few feet away from the bed. “How long did you last before you moved the boots?” He asked as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lit two. You gave him a weak smile and slowly sat down on the bed. 

“The moment you started snoring.” You said softly. You heard him inhale sharply as he went to put the ashtray on your knee. You realized at that moment that you had taken your jeans off before bed and you looked down at your lap. Bruises of various sizes and shapes littered every inch of skin, connected by cuts of various sizes and depths. You tried to grab the blanket to cover them but Bucky reached out and pulled it out of your reach.

“(Y/N)…” He said softly as he ran his fingers over your knee. You could hear the heartbreak in his tone and you looked away.

“He didn’t mean it.” You said softly as you moved your leg away. Bucky growled.

“Doll, he did mean it. He meant every single cut and bruise you have. He’s a sadistic monster and you don’t need to make excuses for him anymore.” He lifted up the ashtray and moved the blanket back into your reach. You pulled it up over your legs and he put the ashtray back on your knee. Neither of you said another word as you smoked. When you finally finished, Bucky took the ashtray and stood up. 

“Towels are in the bathroom.” He said softly as he went over to his dresser. He grabbed a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you. “These should be lighter for you to sleep in so you won’t get so hot.” You nodded as you took the stack of clothes and headed into the bathroom. 

You rinsed the sweat off your body quickly and put on the clothes Bucky had given you. By the time you made it back in to the room, he had already laid back down. You flicked off the lights and laid down next to him, not really having anything else to do. Within a minute, he put his arm around you and pulled you to his chest.

“I’m gunna fix this, doll.” He whispered as you subconsciously scooted closer to his chest. “I promise you, I’m gunna make this better.”


	2. Chapter 2

~~~~~~~~ 1 Month ~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, she’s starting to come out of the room during the day.” Tony teased as you walked out into the club with the laundry basket from your room. You normally did your and Bucky’s laundry early in the morning before every one else was up, when the guys were out on a run, or late at night when most people were already in bed or at home.

“Leave her alone, Stark.” Steve warned as you quickly made your way over to the laundry room with your head ducked. Your therapist, a woman Wanda knew from the hospital, had suggested you allow yourself to let other people in besides her and Bucky. Which is why you found yourself out of your room and in the clubhouse doing laundry in the middle of the day. You had been forcing yourself to fight against every single urge Jeff had beat into you. You still woke up at 4:30, and still had a hard time looking people in the eye. But you were able to talk to people again, even if it was just one or two sentences at a time. 

“Oh, sorry. I’m almost done here.” Bruce said as you rounded the corner to the laundry room. You nodded at him, forcing yourself to look him in the eye even if it was only for a second before stepping to the side and putting your basket down.

“Need a hand?” You asked, your voice a little stronger than it had been when you first had arrived as he emptied his wet clothes into the dryer.

“Nope. Just one last sock.” He said as he grabbed the blue sock and tossed it into the dryer. He smiled at you as he shut the dryer door and pushed the buttons on the machine. “How are you doing today, (Y/N)?” Your brow furrowed as you forced yourself to vocalize how your felt; something else your therapist had told you to do when she got tired of accepting ‘fine’ as your answer.

“Little tired and kinda sad.” You told him with a small shrug. “But that’s just this moment. How about you?” He huffed and shook his head.

“A lot less in tune with my emotions than you are, dear.” You smiled and grabbed your basket as he stepped out of the way for you. “If my stuff is still in the dryer when you come back, feel free to just put it in my basket.” You nodded at him as he headed out of the room. 

“So, how are you today, beautiful?” You forced yourself not to shutter at the slick tone behind Loki’s words as you poured your powered soap into the bottom of the washer and started the water.

“I’m fine, Loki. You?” You asked as you grabbed handfuls of clothes and put them in the washer. No matter how hard you tried, you felt like you couldn’t escape the man and boy did you try.

“I am splendid since I have now been graced with your presence. Say, how about…”

“Loki, there you are!” You almost audibly let out a sigh of relief at the sound of Loki’s brother, Thor’s voice. Thor, the older of the two Odinson’s, was one of the few people that was able to keep Loki and all his insanity in control. You had to admit that while you found the adoptive brothers a little strange, you did like Thor. He also did everything in his power to keep Loki away from you which you were eternally grateful for. 

“I have been looking for you everywhere. I need your help with something out in the garage." Before Loki could even respond, Thor threw his arm over his brother’s shoulders and guided him out of the laundry room. You smirked as you finished emptying the rest of the laundry into the washer and closed the top. You left the laundry basket in there; a unspoken announcement that the washer was occupied as you headed back into the clubhouse to your room.

“Hey (Y/N), can I ask you something?” You glanced over at Vision, and smiled. You had gotten to know Vision in the month that you had been there as he was typically at the clubhouse at strange hours while his girlfriend, Wanda was at the hospital. He was very easy to talk to and you had found yourself at least a dozen times verbally vomiting on him in the early hours of the morning.

“What’s up?” You asked as you took a seat on the couch he was sitting on. You looked at his laptop screen as he tilted it toward you.

“I can’t choose one.” He said as he showed you six different pictures of engagement rings. Your smile got even bigger as you tucked your feet up under you.

“OK, well let’s start with this. Which one do you like the least?” His brow furrowed as he looked at all of the rings on the screen. After a moment, he huffed and pointed at one.

“It seems to much, does it not?” He asked as he pointed at the over the top ring. You nodded in agreement and swiped your finger across the screen, sending the picture to the trash. You went through a couple other questions and riddled it down to the top three choices. As Vision looked at the three of them, studying them as if his life depended on it, he sighed.

“Which one would you like to wear?” He asked casually as he looked at the rings. For whatever reason, the question hit you like a sack of bricks. You knew Vision was the one who asked you the question but the memory of Jeff asking you the same thing clouded your mind. You shook your head and scooted away from the laptop on the couch.

“Here and now.” You said to yourself as you closed your eyes and tried to focus on what was going on around you and not what was going on in your head. You could hear Vision call your name before calling out for Steve. Steve calling your name was muffled as the sting of the first time Jeff ever slapped you stung your cheek. 

‘She’s having a moment.’ Steve said as he gestured for Vision to move away from you to give you space. Sam said he was going to get Bucky. You could feel the slight shift in the couch as Vision got up. You started counting your pulse pounding in your ears as you dug your nails into your palms; scrambling to find something to ground you.

“Hey, you’re OK. You’re right here.” Bucky said as he slid across the floor in front of you. You felt him slide his thumbs into your balled up fists and he gave them a tiny shake. “Open your eyes for me, doll. Look at me.” You opened your eyes and looked at him. Anger came out of no where and your eyes narrowed.

“This is your fault!” You yelled as you threw his hands away from you. You pointed at the computer as angry tears stung your eyes. “I could have had that life if you hadn’t gone and stuck your nose in it. I hate you!” You got up and stormed past Bucky and the rest of the men.

“Let her go.” Bucky said to someone as you headed back toward the dorms toward your room. You slammed the door behind you and threw yourself down on the bed. You let yourself stew for a moment before grabbing your journal and forcing yourself to write out your feelings the way you had been taught. You knew the anger was misplaced; you weren’t mad at Bucky. This was just a part of your recovery. 

After twenty minutes of writing, there was a small knock on the door. Bucky didn’t say a word as he came into the room and handed you a lit joint. You took it from him and took a long drag as he grabbed the book he was reading and sat down on the floor instead of on the bed. He silently let you work through your issues as the two of you passed the joint back and forth. At the hour mark, the THC and journaling had done it’s work and you gently scratched his head.

“I’m sorry.” You said softly when he looked up at you. He nodded in complete understanding as he closed the book and got up on the bed.

“I feel like taking a nap. You wanna nap with me?” He asked; knowing full well that anytime he got you high to combat a breakdown, you wanted to take a nap. You nodded and kicked the blankets down on the bed. You laid down on your side and held your arm up in the air, silently waiting for him to pull up the blankets and put his arm around you. For whatever reason, since that first night, it had become the only way you could fall asleep. You felt him sigh as he cuddled up beside you and pulled you close to his chest.

“I put the laundry in the dryer.” He said as he slid his arm under your pillow and pulled up the blankets.

“Thank you.” You said sleepily as you snuggled impossibly closer. You laced your fingers with his on your stomach and brushed your thumb across his. “I don’t blame you, Buck.” He nodded and kissed your shoulder.

“I know you don’t, doll. We’ll talk about it after a nap, OK?” You nodded as you pulled his arm around you a little more and within seconds, you were both asleep.

——

“So let’s talk it out.” Bucky said as he laid next to you on the bed. You sighed as you rolled onto your back and looked at the ceiling.

“I don’t know what happened. I was talking to Vis about engagement rings for Wanda. He asked me which one I’d like to wear. For some reason, I snapped.” He nodded as he dragged his fingers across your stomach.

“Do you know the reason behind it?” You pursed your lips and slowly nodded as tears welled in your eyes.

“I picked the wrong one.” You said softly as you brushed your thumbs across your eyes. “First time he ever hit me.” Bucky sighed and nodded as he propped himself up on his elbow. 

“Do you see the problem there?” You huffed a laugh and nodded.

“Yea.” You rolled your head to the side and looked at him as he slowly nodded his head.

“So, did writing help or do you need to talk about it?” You shook your head as Bucky leaned back and grabbed his cigarettes.

“I’m sorry I yell…”

“Nope. You know you don’t have to apologize to me. Same way I didn't have to apologize to you last week when I had my nightmare.” You nodded as you took the cigarette he offered. You took a long drag and blew a few smoke rings into the air.

“We’re a hot mess.” You joked softly as you looked over at him. He nodded in agreement as he stabbed one of your smoke rings with his cigarette. 

“We’re holding it together, doll. That's all we can do.” You nodded as you took another drag of your smoke. “So I gotta leave for a run for a couple days in an hour or so.” Your head whipped over to look at him and he shook his head. “You’ll be OK. Nat said you could stay at her house until we are back if you need so you’re not alone here at the club. I’ll have my phone but if I don’t answer, I may just be busy and not able to answer at that moment. But I have to go.”

“You’re coming back, right?” You asked, your voice a little shaky at the idea of losing the only person you trusted. 

“Yea, doll. I’ll be back, I promise you.” You nodded again and looked back up at the ceiling. You took a couple deep, steadying breaths as you mentally worked through your moment issues and Bucky kept dragging his fingers across your stomach.

“You’re not leaving because I did something wrong, right?” You whispered. His hand stopped and laid flat on your stomach.

“No, baby doll. I have some club business to deal with and I’m not allowed to tell you what it is. I promise you, I am not leaving because of you. You did nothing wrong, (Y/N).” You nodded as tears filled your eyes. “You’re OK, doll.” He reassured as he took your cigarette from you and put it and his out before pulling you into his arms. You took a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to feel his arms around yours, his long hair brushing across your cheek, the smell of tobacco, leather, aftershave and peaches. Your brow furrowed as you wiggled your face a little closer to his chest and inhaled deeply.

“Are you using my body wash?” You asked as you pulled back and looked at him. He blushed slightly and looked anywhere but at you.

“No.” He lied as he tried to fight his smile. His eyes snapped down at you and he faked a scowl. “And don’t pretend you don’t use mine either.” You put your face back in his chest and smiled.

“Wasn’t me.” You mumbled as you put your arm around his waist. “I think it was Tony.” Your sentence was cut off as he tickled your sides.

“Smart ass.” He mumbled as he forced himself to roll away from you to get up and get ready. You got up and grabbed his backpack to help him pack.

“You can bring my body wash.” You called out to him as he flushed the toilet and grabbed his bathroom stuff.

“Don’t use all of mine when I’m gone, then.” He called out as he slid the shower curtain back and grabbed his shampoo and your body wash. “You gunna go to Nat’s?” He asked as he came back into the room.

“Would she… um… can she take me to my therapy and group?” You glanced up at him and he nodded.

“I already told her your schedule for the next couple of days.” He put his hand on yours as you were putting his jeans in his bag. “Give her a chance. She’s been handling Steve and my PTSD for years. She can help.” You nodded as you sat down on the bed and let him finish packing.

“Can I ask you something?” He nodded as he brushed his hair back and grabbed some boxers from his drawer. “How come you don’t really talk to anyone here but Steve and Sam?” Bucky looked back at you and shrugged.

“I talk to you.” You rolled your eyes and he chuckled. “My shit isn’t anyone’s business. Steve and I have been friends since we were kids, our dads were part of the ‘hateful eight’; the ones that started AMC. Sam, Steve and I were all overseas together and they both deal with the same shit up here that I do.” He tapped his temple and shrugged as he put the rest of his clothes in his bag. “I don’t mind the rest of the guys and I trust them but…” His voice trailed off as he bobbed his head and looked up at you.

“I get it.” You looked down at your hands and popped your nail once before the black shirt he had on landed on top of your hands. You held it up and looked at the screen printed Statue of Liberty Reaper on the front with AMC arched above it before looking up at him.

“Help you sleep at night.” He said as he pulled on a clean shirt with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and balled up the shirt in your hands. You set it in your lap and pulled off the one you had on and shoved it in his bag before pulling his on.

“I want that back.” You told him as you sat back on the bed and crossed your legs. He nodded as he bent down and kissed your forehead.

“If you need me, call me, you understand? Any time.” You nodded as he pulled his phone charger from the wall and grabbed two packs of smokes from the drawer. He tossed one in your lap and grabbed his kutte from the dresser.

“Be safe.” You told him as he grabbed his backpack.

“I always am. Get some things together and head out to the garage. Nat doesn’t stick around long when the club is empty.” You smiled weakly and got up from the bed. “Hey…” You looked over at him and he smile. “It’s just a couple days. You’ll be OK.” With an unconvinced nod, you kissed his cheek and watched him walk out the door. You stared at the door for a moment before looking around the room; realizing that for the first time in two years you were completely alone. Fear raced through you and you quickly packed a bag and headed out to the garage to find Nat.

——

“You really don’t have to do this, Nat.” You said as she flipped through clothes on a rack the next day. She looked over at you and snapped her gum.

“Yea, I really do. You have been wearing nothing but long sleeves and dark colors since you came to us. It’s summer in Brooklyn, sweetheart. I’m putting you in some color.” You nodded nervously as she went back to flipping through shirts. “Besides, you are gunna feel better about yourself on the inside if you feel better about yourself on the outside.”

“Which is the reason you had me cut my hair.” She nodded as she grabbed a shirt she liked and held it up in front of you.

“And why we are getting you a few new outfits then getting our nails done.” She smiled at you as she changed her mind about the shirt and grabbed a new one. She held the blue half sleeve shirt up to your chest and her smile grew. “Try this one on.” She said as she handed you the hanger. You looked at it as she handed you another one. You tried to tell your feet to move as you brushed your fingers across the fabric but you couldn’t. “Hey…” You looked up at Nat through tears you didn’t realize you were shedding.

“I…” you choked as you shook your head; unsure of how you felt. Natasha took the shirts from your hand as she looked around the store before taking your hand and leading you toward the fitting rooms. She pulled you into a room and locked the door behind you.

“Come here, honey. I’m sorry.” She soothed as she pulled you in for a hug. She let you cry for a minute before pulling back and putting her hands on your shoulders. “Hey… you think you can tell me what’s wrong?”

“Not used to… nice.” You said as you fiddled with the sleeves of your shirt. “Or girls. I don’t…” You shook your head and gestured toward the door. “It’s stupid…” Nat gently pushed you a step back until your legs hit the small bench in the fitting room and you sat down on it. Nat kneeled down in front of you and took your hands in hers.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I pushed too hard.” She sighed and sat back on her heels as she brushed her thumbs over yours. “I can be a little… large sometimes.” She said with a small laugh. “I forget that sometimes that can be too much for people, especially after what you’ve been through. But I want you to know, I am honestly just trying to help. I realize that helping women isn’t the same as men but I guess that just means we can learn together so we can both help someone else in the future, OK?” You nodded as you gently wrapped your fingers around hers.

“Thank you.” You whispered as you looked up at her for a moment. She smiled and nodded as she squeezed your hands.

“If you don’t wanna do this, we can go back to the house before therapy…” You shook your head and looked at the blue shirt that had been forgotten on the floor.

“Just this one for now.” You said softly as you picked up the shirt of the floor. She nodded with a smile as she took it off the hanger.

“How about we try for one new shirt a week. Work our way up, OK?” You nodded as she held up the t-shirt and looked at it. “I think this will be a good color on you.” You nodded in agreement as she folded up the shirt and looked at you. “How about we skip nails and just go have brunch, huh?” You nodded as she reached up and brushed your tears away. She smiled and stood up, pulling you up with her.

“Thank you.” She brushed you off as she dropped her sunglasses on her face.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll get you to be as loud as me one day.” 

——

“So you don’t have to answer any question I ask.” Nat said as she sat down across from you at a small, corner table on the patio of the Rabbit Hole cafe. “If you don’t like the question, just tap your nose so you don’t even have to say anything. Wanna stop? Tap twice. I can talk for hours, trust me. Steve has gotten to the point that he just covers my mouth when he wants me to shut up.”

“How did you two meet?” You asked as you took the menu from the waiter and ordered a water. Nat ordered the same as she crossed her long legs under the table.

“I actually met Steve through the garage about six years ago. I had a this old piece of crap car and it just happened to ‘break down’ a lot.” She said with air quotes and a wink. You smiled as she draped her arm over the back of the chair. “He asked me out to dinner and the rest is kinda history.” You nodded and took your water from the waiter as Nat put in her usual order. You ordered the first thing you saw, stuffed French toast and handed off your menu. “So are you from Brooklyn originally?”

“Staten Island. I moved to Brooklyn to go to Pratt for photography.”

“You’re a photographer? Does Bucky know that?” You shook your head.

“I don’t really talk about myself a lot. Women are supposed to be seen, not heard.” Nat nodded as she pinched her lips together, fighting the urge to scream.

“That how you met the tool?” You nodded again and looked down at your water glass. Your brow furrowed at the idea so she quickly back tracked. “What’s your favorite thing to take pictures of?”

“Landscapes.” You said as you brushed your fingers through the condensation on the side of the glass. “Before Jeff, I used to travel a lot just to take pictures. Sold a couple to a few travel agencies. I miss it.” You looked up at her with a small smile. “I think my old portfolio is in the boxes of stuff the guys grabbed from my old place. I’ll um… I’ll try to find it when Bucky comes back if you wanna see it.” She nodded and smiled.

“I’d really like that, thank you.” You nodded and took a sip of your water. “Do you have any family?”

“I was an only child. Both my parents passed away when I was in high school. Dad to cancer, mom to the bottle a year later.” She gave you a tight lipped smile.

“I’m so sorry. I lost my parents when I was a kid and I was an only child as well.”

“Sorry.” She nodded as the waiter set down your lunches with a smile. You smiled back as you set your napkin in your lap and started eating. Natasha, surprisingly kept up a running conversation the entire meal, asking you about some of your favorite things and more about you in general. She read every single subtle clue you had when she broached a subject you didn’t like. You only had to tap your nose once, when she asked you what your tattoo was. You shook your head almost violently and tapped your nose; not wanting to admit to having Jeff’s name inked between your shoulder blades.

“OK. We’ll skip that one.” She said as she paid the bill for lunch. “Now, I gotta ask before we go on. Did you realize you just spent almost two hours talking?” You smiled and shook your head as the two of you got up and headed out of the restaurant to go to your therapy appointment.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think these friendships you’re developing are gunna be really good for you.” Your therapist, Dr. Quinn said as she put down her notepad at the end of your session. She took off her glasses and smiled. “I am so proud of the progress you are making, (Y/N). You have made so many strides in the right direction.” She nodded her head and her smile got a little bigger. “Good for you.” You smiled as the two of you stood up.

“Thank you. It’s still nerve wracking.” She hummed in agreement as she walked you over to her office door.

“It’s gunna be, honey. You’re having to recondition your thinking again. While you know your actions are quote ‘insane’, you’re having to retrain yourself to realize that right away. It’s almost as if you were brainwashed. Give it time.” You nodded as she opened the door to her office and smiled. “See you tomorrow for group?” You nodded as you stepped past her and into the main office.

“Thanks Harley. See you tomorrow.” She gave you a small wave as she closed the door behind you. You stopped short when you turned around to find Nat but saw Bucky instead. “What are you doing here?” He looked up from the magazine he was looking at and stood up with a smile.

“Got back early. Figured I’d surprise you.” You smiled as you stood in front of him and tilted your head to the side a bit. He mimicked your action as he reached out and ran his fingers through your hair. “You got a hair cut.”

“Oh! Yea, Nat took me this morning. Something about my outsides making the insides look better or something like that.” He chuckled as he gestured toward the door.

“Well I like it. It looks good on you.” You smiled and thanked him as he held the door open for you.

“So did your road trip go well?” You asked as the two of you walked out of the medical building toward the parking lot.

“Well…” Bucky said as he pushed open the main door of the building. You slowed your steps a bit when you saw Sam and Thor waiting for you on their bikes. You stopped completely as you looked up at Bucky.

“Should I be worried?” He shook his head and put his hand on the small of your back.

“Not at all. We’re just gunna get you back to the clubhouse and take a little precaution, that’s all.” You nodded as he grabbed a helmet off the seat of his bike and turned toward you. You lifted your chin so he could strap the helmet on your head.

“Did you get a haircut?” Sam called out to you as Bucky tightened the strap under your chin.

“No.” You said with a smile as you glanced over at him. “I got lots of hairs cut.” Bucky and Thor laughed as Sam’s face deadpanned. You felt Bucky pat your helmet and he stepped to the side and grabbed his own.

“I like her. She’s very entertaining.” Thor said as Bucky got on his bike and put on his own helmet. “I can see why Loki has a thing for her.”

“Yea, well I’ll handle Loki.” Bucky said as you got on his bike behind him. He brought his Harley roaring to life and you wrapped your arms around his waist.

“He creeps me out.” You said as you rested your chin on Bucky’s shoulder. “I avoid him at all costs.” You found Bucky’s eyes in the side view mirror and he smiled.

“Good.” You smiled as he dropped his bike into gear, pulled out of the parking spot and headed out of the parking lot with Sam and Thor right behind you.

~~~~~~~~~

“Why are there so many people here?” You asked softly. You were frozen in the doorway of the club, gripping Bucky’s arm tightly. Your eyes danced around the unfamiliar faces, picking out one or two of the Avengers but not recognizing anyone else. Bucky, stopped and put his hand on top of yours. 

“Hey, it’s alright. No one here is gunna hurt you.”

“Bring her in here.” You heard Natasha call out from the kitchen. Bucky smiled at you and lead you toward the kitchen. “Close the door.” Nat said as you darted into the room and into a corner. You took a deep studying breath as you took a seat. You could only see the room and the throng of people for a moment before the shades were dropped. 

“See. People gone.” Bucky said as Natasha flipped on a radio to drown out the voices in the club.

“What’s going on?” You asked as you tucked your knees up to your chest. Bucky came over and took a knee in front of you.

“This is called a lockdown. Some shit went down on our run and it’s just a precaution we take to make sure everyone associated with us is safe. I know it’s scary but you’re safe, OK?” You nodded and took another steadying breath as Bruce stuck his head in the kitchen.

“We’re at the table, brother.” He said as he gave you a small wave. “Like the hair.” You gave him a small smile as Bucky stood up and pat your shoulder.

“Just hang out in here. Nat’s making her infamous chili, I’m sure she’d love the company.” You nodded again as he kissed the top of your head and headed out into the club.

“Is this normal?” You asked as you pulled out the pack of cigarettes Bucky had given you the day before and lit one. Nat nodded as you stood up and pushed open the window and glanced out at the parking lot.

“Not normal, per say.” She said as she cut up some onions. “We do have them every once and a while but like Buck said, it’s just a precaution.” You nodded as you looked over at her. She absentmindedly rubbed at her eye with the back of her wrist. You took a drag of your smoke and set it down in the ashtray on the window sill.

“Can I teach you something?” You asked. She glanced over at you as you grabbed a patch of matches from one of the drawers. “Wash your hands." You said as you lit two matches and put them out. You put the unburnt ends between your lips and picked up the knife. With practiced ease, you finished chopping the rest of the onion and another one without a single tear. You pushed the pile to the side and put the knife down as you looked over at her with a smile while you pulled the matches from your mouth.

“The sulfur in the matches counteracts the onion.” You said as you washed your hands. She nodded, appreciatively as she put out your cigarette she had finished.

“Where’d you learn that?” She asked as you lit yourself another cigarette and traded places with her at the window.

“Pinterest. It was the only form of social media Jeff hadn’t blocked.”

“What other tricks did you learn?” Nat asked as she put the cut up onions in a pan and grabbed a large container of ground beef from the fridge. You noticed the slight tense of her jaw at the mention of your past abuse but you appreciated that she didn’t say anything about it. You liked that about her.

“Let’s see… you know how when you put a new trash bag in, how it has that weird air pocket that no matter how hard you try, you can’t get rid of?” She laughed and nodded as she started cooking the meat and onions in a big pan. “Well, if you drill a hole, I’d say like the size of a pen, in the side of the trash can you give that air some place to escape. Poof, no more air pocket.”

“That surprisingly makes sense.” She said as she glanced over at you. “If you spill red wine on a carpet, use white wine to get it out.” She said as she pointed at you with the spatula.

“Oh, I like this one.” You said as you put your cigarette between your lips and got up. You grabbed a glass cup out of the cabinet and grabbed her phone. You put the cup back on the counter and smiled. “Instant speaker.” She laughed as you walked back over to the window with your cigarette. While Nat cooked, the two of you went back and forth, sharing tips and life hacks that you knew. And as you spoke, you were realizing that Natasha was super easy to talk to and you were starting to trust her. That made you partially nervous but you were happy to have a friend.

“I gotta use the bathroom.” You said as Nat added some spices to the giant pot on the stove.

“Use the one in your room. I wouldn’t trust the main bathroom.” You nodded as you pulled your shirt sleeves down over your hands and headed out into the club. You ducked your head and forced yourself to let go of your sleeves as you dodged people and headed back toward the dorms.

“You can’t go back there.” A woman said to you; her voice held an air of self importance. “It’s invitation only.”

“I live here.” You said as you kept walking toward the dorms.

“Yea right.” You kept walking, not really caring if this woman believed you or not. “Hey! You can’t go back there.” You felt her grab your arm and pull you back toward her and for the first time since you left the kitchen, you looked up at the bottle blonde.

“Let me go.” You said simply. She looked down her nose at you and looked at your outfit.

“You should just leave now. No one’s gunna wanna be with some trash like you.” You have no idea where it came from but rage ripped through you. As Nat called out to you, you grabbed the back of the girl’s head and slammed her face against the wall. She instantly dropped your arm and her hand flew to her face. You felt someone grab your arm and you turned to swing.

“Hey, hey! It’s just me.” Nat said as she grabbed your fist. You pulled your arm back and tears welled in your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You squeaked as you backed away from her.

“You’re OK, (Y/N). Go catch your breath while I handle this.” You nodded and nearly ran down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in the farthest corner of the room with your journal on your knees, going back and forth in your head between worrying about your punishment and justifying your actions in the club. You were almost screaming at yourself in your head, telling yourself that you were not in trouble when the bedroom door opened. You tried to make yourself even smaller as you watched Bucky step into the room and look for you on the bed.

“(Y/N)?” He called out tentatively as he came into the room and shut the door. You wanted to reply, but you couldn’t out of fear. You watched as his eyes swept the room once before finding you on the second pass. “Hey, doll. I’m not gunna hurt you.” You nodded once as he grabbed the desk chair and slowly scooted it to the middle of the room. “You wanna tell me what happened?” He asked as he took a seat backwards, giving you ample space as he kept his hands visible and draped over the back of the chair.

“She grabbed my arm.” You said softly as you relaxed ever so slightly in your hiding spot. You capped your pen and shrugged; your eyes staying on him despite the fact that you knew he would never hurt you. “I’m sorry.” He chuckled and shook his head.

“Don’t be. She touched you without your permission. You did good.” You nodded as you fiddled with your pen. “I’m coming over to you.” You nodded again. With an award winning smile, he got up, keeping his movements slow and his hands visible and came over. You did your best not to tense up as he got closer but it was still unavoidable. Bucky sat down next to you on the floor, keeping his movements slow as he grabbed his cigarettes and lit you both one. “Look at that. No squeaks.” You blushed as he reached forward and opened the window behind you.

“Shut up.” You mumbled as you took a drag of your cigarette. He gently put his hand on your knee and brushed his hand over the fabric of your jeans.

“You’re doing good, doll.” You gave him a small smile and nodded.

“She called me trash.” You said as you looked down at your notebook and your eyes continued down to your outfit. You had on simple jeans like you did every day and a grey long sleeve shirt. It wasn’t extremely baggy but it did have a little room to it. You never wore make-up anymore and your hair was down and done by the saloon that morning so it still looked good.

“Hey, you’re not trash.” Bucky said as he leaned a little closer to you. “She’s a croweater. Jealous that you’re allowed back here and she’s not. Besides, if you were trash, none of us would be putting the effort into helping you see your beauty.” You looked up at him and he nodded. He slowly reached up and brushed his knuckles over your cheek with a smile. 

“If the situation was switched and that girl was the one in your shoes, Nat would have sent her to a shelter once we made sure she was OK. Everyone here can see you’re pure of heart; that you didn’t deserve what happened to you… not that anyone, ever deserves to be abused. I didn’t mean it like that.” You nodded in understanding as you took a drag of your cigarette. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at you with a loving glow in his eyes. 

“There’s something about you, doll. I don’t know what it is but I gotta figure it out. And I’m willing to do anything possible to help you see that. So are Nat and Steve and the rest of my brothers. And whatever you decide to do from there is all on you. I just… I’m honored that you are letting me; letting us help you.”

“Thanks for helping me.” You said softly as you flicked your smoke out the window and looked at him. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He shrugged as he took the last drag of his cigarette and flicked it out the window.

“Guess it’s a good thing you don’t have to find out.” You nodded in agreement as he got up and helped you too your feet. “Now unfortunately, I have to run out again and even more unfortunately, I won’t be back until late. Nat is gunna be here all night and she’s gunna check up on you in a bit and bring you some chili if you don’t wanna go mingle.” You nodded as you took a seat on the bed and put your journal on your bedside table. “So turn on some Netflix, hang out, journal and just relax. You’re OK.”

“Thanks, Buck.” You said as he leaned down and kissed your forehead. 

“Of course, doll. I’ll see you tonight.”

~~~~~~~~ 3 Months ~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are we going?” Bucky glanced at you in his side view mirror of his motorcycle with a smile and shook his head.

“What kind of surprise would it be if I told you?” You poked out your bottom lip out at him for a moment and huffed.

“You’re no fun.” He huffed a laugh as he reached down and pat your hands.

“You’ll survive.” You blew a small raspberry on the side of his neck as he sped up his bike on the highway. You had been riding since dawn and Bucky refused to tell you where you were going. Not that you minded all that much; going anywhere with Bucky put a smile on your face. Ever since he rescued you, you seemed to be attached to his hip and he yours and neither of you would have it any other way. But your ass was starting to go numb and your fingertips were a tad bit cold from the bite of the early fall air.

 

It wasn’t a few minutes longer when Bucky finally pulled off the highway down a dirt road. You sat up a little straighter as the road turned toward a gorgeous little river with a stone bridge over it. The trees lining the river were nearly all orange and red with a hint of greens and yellows splattered among them. You sat up straight at the sheer beauty and your fingers clenched around the fabric of Bucky’s jacket at his sides as he slowed to a stop at the end of the little path.

“Bucky…” You gasped as he helped you off his bike. A smile stretched across his face as he took a step back to let you look around for a moment. “It’s like heaven.” His heart soared nearly out of his chest at the gorgeous smile on your face. Making you smile was something that he went out of his way to do at least once a day.

“So I have a confession.” He admitted as he unbuckled the saddlebag he had thrown on the back of his bike. “I have an ulterior motive on why I brought you here.” You glanced back over your shoulder as he pulled a medium sized box from the bag. “Now… I’m sure it’s not what you’re used to but I had Vis help me out with it.” Your brow furrowed as you took the box and opened it. Your hands froze as you looked at the brand new SLR camera.

“Buck…” He shook his head as he reached into the box and grabbed the strap carefully.

“Natasha told me you went to school for it. So, I have a job for you.” Your brow arched as he gently put the strap around your neck. “I figure… since it’s your room now, too, that we could replace a few of those pin-up posters on the wall. Make it a little more… girly.”

“It’s your room.” You said softly as you reached up to take off the camera strap but Bucky gently wrapped his hands around your wrists to stop you.

“It could be our room.” Your eyes met his as you weakly pulled once against his grip.

“What?” His eyes searched yours as he moved his grip from your wrists to your hands and lowered them to your sides.

“Well, you’re smart and funny. Beautiful and kind. And you’ve been the only woman I’ve wanted in my bed since the moment I saw you.” He let go of one of your hands and carefully caressed your cheek with his thumb. A small smile pulled at the corner of his lip as he huffed a laugh. “Shit, I’m really not good at this. Be my girl, (Y/N).” You searched his blue eyes as your head slowly went back and forth.

“I…” He took a half step forward so that his body was right against yours and cautiously cupped your jaw in his hand.

“Please, doll. We’re basically there anyways without the title… and the kissing and the sex but that’s a different story for another day.” Your eyes searched the depths of his steel blue eyes as a small smile pulled at the corner of your lips. Very subtly, your head changed direction and nodded in his palm.

“OK.” You whispered as you reached up and put your hand lightly on his. His slightly worried face instantly fell into a smile as he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“Shit, doll. You have no idea how happy that makes me.” He pulled back and looked down at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes you thought your heart would explode. “I’m gunna kiss you now, OK, doll?” You giggled and shook your head as you put your arms around his neck.

“No, that’s not allowed.”

“Well then I’m breaking the rules.” He joked as he wrapped his arms around your waist loosely.

“Well then I guess I just have to let it happen then.” You joked as you rose up on your tip toes to meet him part way. He nodded as he gently captured your lips with his. There was no rush, no urgency behind it; just the beauty of new, young love. After a moment, he pulled back and rested his forehead against yours.

“Better than I expected.” He gave you one more chaste kiss before pulling back and gently patting your hip. “OK, so you go photograph. Do your thing while I set up the picnic lunch I made… OK the picnic the prospect made.” He laughed as you looked up at him through your lashes with your eyebrow raised. “Shut up. I had high hopes for today.” You giggled as you looked down at the new Canon Rebel around your neck.

“You had this planned for a while?” He shrugged as he grabbed a blanket out of the bottom of one side of the saddle bag and shook it out to spread out on top of the crunchy autumn colored leaves already on the ground.

“Six years.” You glanced over at him as you lifted the camera to your eye and took your first photo of him fixing one of the corners of the blanket.

“Why six years?” He glanced up at you and you quickly snapped another photo before he could get his hand up in front of his face. He scowled and stuck his tongue out at you, which you photographed with a giggle.

“Found this place on a run. I was running from some not so nice people and hid down this road. I saw it in the spring and I always knew I would bring a very special girl here but never found that special girl until you.” He shrugged as if it were no big deal as he grabbed a grocery bag of food out of the bag. “You’re the first girl I ever even wanted to bring here. Not even Steve knows about this place.” You couldn’t stop the tears that welled in your eyes as you lowered the camera away from your face to look at him. He chuckled and set the bag down to come over and give you a hug.

“See, I knew there’d be water works.” He teased lightly as he pulled his bandana from his back pocket. “Don’t cry, doll.”

“I don’t deserve…” You started before Bucky purposely pulled your head into his chest.

“What? Can’t hear you? What?” He let you go with a serious look as his eyebrow arched. “Because I know as well as anyone else that Harley told you last month you had to work on not saying you don’t deserve nice things.” You scowled and scrunched your nose up at him.

“I’m just not going to talk then.” He laughed and rolled his eyes as he used his thumb to catch a lone tear you missed on your cheek.

“I’d only believe that if we were in the middle of the club house. Ever since you opened up to Natasha, getting you to shut up is as impossible as getting her to shut up.” You lightly pushed on his arm as he laughed at his own joke.

“You’re mean.” He smiled and kissed your forehead.

“I know. But you just get so cute when you get mad.” With a chaste kiss he pat your hip and gestured to the area you were in. “Now photograph. Our room needs new decorations and what better moment to capture on film than this?” You nodded as you lifted your camera and got a blurry, up close shot of his dimple and part of his mouth.

“Wait, look here.” You said as you tapped your forehead and took a half step back. You focused your lens on his steel blue eye and by the time he actually looked at your forehead, you got the picture you wanted. You took a step back and smiled. “Perfect.”

“Do I get to see it?” He asked as you turned on your heel to let yourself get lost behind the lens like you used to.

“Nope!” You called out as you shook your head and headed toward a row of rocks that stopped in the middle of the river.

“That’s not nice.” You shrugged as you glanced over at him with a smile.

“You didn’t ask for nice photographs. You asked for photographs.” He rolled his eyes as he grabbed a beer from the lunch bag and sat down on the blanket to watch you for a while; his heart filling with joy as he realized that he got to call you his.


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re taking pictures again?” Harley asked, joyfully. “That’s wonderful!” You nodded as you rubbed the thumbnail of your left hand with your right thumb. “Are you showing them to people?” You shook your head for a second before stopping and shrugging.

“Bucky’s seen the ones I’ve put up in our room and the ones on my computer. And so has Natasha and Steve when they come in but no one else yet.” Harley nodded as she crossed her long legs and rested her forearms on them.

“You know what I’m gunna say here, right?” You smiled and nodded at her.

“Show other people.” She nodded at you and sat up straight.

“You said you used to sell them to magazines and travel agencies? Why don’t you try doing that again as well? Start with one company you worked for and see if they can work something out where you send in… say three photos a month. But I want you to reach out to those people yourself. You’ve been doing so well with opening up in group, I want to see you start to do that in the real world.” She held up her finger at you as she stood up and went over to her desk.

“I saw this a couple weeks ago and I’ve been holding on to it for you.” She rifled through her papers for a moment before finding the bright, neon green paper she was looking for. “It’s a local art competition for artists, photographers, sculptors, etcetera.” She came back over and handed you the paper before sitting back down with a smile. “Maybe you should consider signing up for it. You have a few months still.”

“And by maybe you mean sign up for it, right?” Her smile got even bigger and she nodded.

“You can’t hide forever, sweetheart. It’s time to live your life again.” With a sigh, you nodded at her. You folded the paper and put it in the pocket of your jeans.

“OK. I’ll really think about it.” She smiled at you, knowingly and you giggled. “OK! OK, I’ll enter.”

“Good call.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on the couch in Natasha’s office; forcing yourself to be social as you edited some photographs for the office, the clubhouse and the garage. When she found out you were entering the artist competition and heard Dr. Quinn’s ‘suggestion’ to send your work in to magazines and travel agencies, she made Steve jump on the chance to be your first employer. She commissioned four photos for her office, six for the walls of the garage, and ten for the club house; your biggest job ever.

You started with her, Bucky and Steve, taking candid shots as they went about their day as both mechanics and club members, just trying to come up with a theme to tie all the photos together. Vision, Wanda, and Bruce were the next candidates to be captured when the three of them were sitting on the bikes; Vision about to leave to take his fiancee to work and Bruce just getting back from a run.

Tony and Sam were next as the pair of them worked on the chaise of a busted up Harley. Thor and Clint were the last to be photographed as they were enjoying a beer on their lunch break. You managed to get them all hanging out in the club after work, got dozens of the guys when they were working. You captured the whole club with your lens… except Loki.

No matter how much you wanted to, every time you tried to, your stomach turned. You still were unable to put your finger on why the man made your skin crawl but you couldn’t bring yourself to capture him in a photo in any way. Natasha told you it was fine and said she would talk to Steve about it when the time came. But you knew Loki was aware that you hadn’t photographed him.

“How are the photographs coming, (Y/N)?” Loki hissed, snake like as he came into the temporarily empty office beside you. You jumped at the sudden entry and quickly pulled your laptop screen partially closed.

“Fine.” You said quietly as he strolled in and went to look for some paperwork in the boxes on the wall. He pursed his lips and nodded as he slowly thumbed though the invoices.

“You’re done taking pictures, I take it?” He glanced back at you and you quickly nodded as you shifted in your chair, uncomfortably. “I see.” He turned his head back to the wall as a sickening smile stretched across his face. He was only messing with you because Bucky, Steve and a couple other guys were out on a run. “You didn’t take my…”

“Loki!” Natasha shouted as she headed back from the bathroom in the clubhouse. “Leave her alone!” His eyes narrowed as he looked over at her and grabbed the paper he needed; which was the first on in the box he was going through.

“I’m not doing anything, Nat.” He said as he waved the paper at her on his way out the door. “Just getting some papers.” She rolled her eyes as she ducked past him and quickly shut the door behind her.

“Prick.” She mumbled as she walked over to her desk. She looked over at you as she sat down at her desk with a sigh. “You OK?” You nodded as you opened your laptop back up.

“He creeps me out.” She nodded as she leaned back in her chair.

“You and me both, hon. But we like Thor so we were forced to keep him around too, unfortunately.” She smirked and leaned forward a bit with a smile on her face. “Between you and me, if I had the option, he’d be out on the streets and not a tear would be shed.”

“If you need help burying the body let me know.” She burst out laughing as you looked back at the black and white photo of her and Steve you were currently editing.

“I will take you up on that, sweetheart. He’s scum, nothing else.” She looked up and pointed in the direction of the door. “Don’t let him intimidate you. If he’s bothering you, tell him. Don’t let that man scare you because every single one of us will kick his ass if he so much as looks at you sideways.” You nodded up at your friend as she found your eyes for a moment before going back to work.

“Thanks, Tasha.” She nodded at you as her office phone started ringing.

“Always, babe. That’s what friends are for.”

——

“So do I get to see them yet?” Bucky asked from your shared bed as you fed your last large sheet of photo canvas into your special, Epson printer. You giggled and shook your head.

“Nope. You gotta wait a couple more days just like everyone else.” He sighed as he flipped through the channels on TV to find something; anything entertaining to watch while you worked. You hit print on your laptop, which you had specifically had turned away from your nosy boyfriend and made sure the canvas was pulled into the printer straight.

“What if you just show me the ones I’m in…”

“Bucky!” You laughed as you glanced over your shoulder at him. He was straining to look around you at the ones you had laying on a rack to be mounted between the tall printer and the desk and you scowled. You grabbed the bottom edges of his shirt you had on and held it out wide, even though there was no way he could see the currently horizontal prints. “James Buchanan!”

“Alright!” He laughed as he scooted to your side of the bed and got up. You watched him walk over toward the bathroom and you purposely and playfully danced from foot to foot in front of the rack and your laptop to keep the photo of Clint, Bruce and Thor for above the couches in the clubhouse a surprise. “Oh, this is just torture.” You quickly kissed his cheek and pushed him towards the bathroom with a smile.

“I know.” You waited for the bathroom door to close completely before turning back to minimize your photoshop program. You turned and caught the last print, which would be 36x48 inches once it was stretched, just as your boyfriend came out of the bathroom. “Can I trust you not to cheat and look early or do I have to lock this up?” You asked as you slid the last photo into the rack. He grumbled under his breath as he headed over to the bed.

“I’ll wait.” You smiled at him almost sarcastically and turned off your printer and closed down your laptop. “So I hear Loki was giving you some problems the other day.” You looked over at him as you put your laptop in the lockable desk drawer and turned your copy of the key.

“Nat took care of it.” Bucky nodded and pushed down the blankets so you could get in bed.

“How come you didn’t tell me about it, doll?” You shrugged at him as you lit a cigarette and got into bed.

“Wasn’t as bad as he usually is. He just wanted to know why I didn’t take his picture.” Bucky nodded slowly as he lit his own cigarette and leaned back against the wall.

“Needs to learn his fucking place.” He growled as he grabbed his ashtray and put it on his knee. You reached over and rubbed your hand on his bare back. He went back to flicking through the channels until he found ‘Friends’ which he couldn’t stand but knew you liked to watch before bed. “What did he say, exactly?” You shook your head at him as you ashed your cigarette in the ashtray.

“He didn’t get a chance to say much. Just asked if I was done taking pictures and started to ask why I hadn’t taken his before Natasha came back from the bathroom.” He looked up at you through his lashes and you tilted your head to look at him. “I’m OK, baby. Natasha helped me.”

“Still doesn’t stop me from saying something to Steve. He knows you’re my old lady and to continuously and blatantly hit on you despite that fact is unacceptable in this club.” Your forced your face to deadpan as you looked over at him.

“I am not old.” His own face dropped as he turned to look at you straight on.

“Good Lord, woman.” He grumbled as he tickled your side. With cat-like reflexes, he grabbed the ashtray and your cigarette from your hand so you wouldn’t catch anything on fire as you buried face in the blankets to hide. “You’re such a pain in the ass, baby girl.” You peaked out from the blanket and stuck your tongue out at him.

“I’m your pain in the ass, though, Barnes.” He smiled and set the ashtray on your bedside table with a nod.

“That you are, baby. That you are.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright!” Steve called out to the room full of club members and friends of the AMC that had come out to see the photos you had finished the day before. “Alright, now, quiet!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Natasha screamed, instantly silencing the group. Steve glanced over at her and smirked as he looked back at the crowd.

“Thank you, doll. Now, we’re gathered here today to finally do the big reveal of the photos of the club that were taken by our own, (Y/N).” He gestured to you where you were half hidden behind Bucky’s broad frame. You waved slightly as your therapist, who happily came to share the moment with you and your family, waved you forward. With hesitant steps, you stepped out to the side and blushed at the attention.

“Alright guys. We’re gunna start with the ones for the office.” He gestured to you with a nod and you took a deep breath. You turned and started pulling the canvas’ out of the large box behind you.

You passed Natasha the first canvas, which was a photo of her on Steve’s shoulders gesturing to the Avenger’s Mechanics sign above the garage. You had caught them both mid laugh a second after Steve playfully pretended to throw her to the ground. It was one of your absolute favorites. The second canvas, which you handed to Steve, was of a few of the guys during a smoke break just outside the garage. The third went to Bucky of him, Steve and Clint throwing a bunch of invoices in the air in the office, jokingly. You had made sure to find a box of old invoices for the photo and Steve made one of the prospects clean them all up and put them back in order when you were done. The last one you held up. It was one of two that you were in.

You and Natasha had each borrowed Bucky and Steve’s work shirts and put on short jean shorts and combat boots. You had Steve and Bucky’s bike facing each other tire to tire in front of the closed garage doors and the two of you were laying across the bodies of the Harley’s. Bucky quickly pulled it from your hands to look at it.

“Yea, that’s not going up.” Steve said with a laugh as he looked over Bucky’s shoulder at the photo. Natasha took the photo and shook her head.

“Oh, this is absolutely going up in my office. I paid for it.” The group laughed as you took the prints and stacked them up on the pool table behind you.

“So these ones are going in the garage.” The group all shifted around as you started pulling the six prints for the garage out. They were mostly artistically posed photos of the guys working on cars and bikes and various tools. Nat, Steve, Bucky and you held the prints up above your heads so that everyone could see before stacking them up on the pool table.

“Last ones, guys.” Natasha called out. You smiled as you started pulling your favorites from the box. Vision and Wanda sitting at the bar as they talked about her day at work. Clint, Tony, Thor and Sam playing pool. Nat and a few croweaters serving food for the pot luck the club had hosted a couple weeks ago. Steve and Bucky concentrating deeply on an intense game of darts. The whole club all lined up on their bikes outside in their kuttes. Clint, Bruce and Thor playing cards, a couple from one of the many parties the club threw, an artistic shot of the statue of liberty reaper on the chapel table with Steve and Natasha on his lap at the head of the table and lastly, one of you and Bucky.

You had just gotten back from group therapy and you found your boyfriend, sitting separate from the rest of the club. You walked over to him as he stared at the reaper on his gas can.

“Penny for your thoughts, handsome?” He looked up at you with a weak smile and you paused at his side. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad thoughts.” You nodded in understanding and straddled the front of his bike in front of him. You yelped as you almost fell off the side but Bucky easily caught you with a small chuckle. “Easy there.”

“Well sorry, that was awkward.” You draped your legs over his thick thighs and he put his hands on your hips as he held the bike up. You gave him a warm smile and cupped his cheeks in your hands. “Hi… wait…” You reached up and carefully pulled off his aviators with a smile. You flipped them around and put them on your head before cupping his cheeks again. “There we go. Hi.”

“You’re too cute, baby girl.”

“I know.” You said with a giggle as you put your arms around his neck. “So what’s up, butter cup?” He sighed and pulled your hips a little closer to his.

“I don’t actually know. Just felt a little sad and it wasn’t going away… until you came around.” You sighed playfully and looked up at the bright blue sky.

“I am awesome, I know.” He planted his feet a little more firmly and tickled you for a moment; using his thighs to keep you on the bike. He leaned forward and blew a raspberry on your chest. With a smile, he leaned back and looked at your smiling face.

“I love you.” Your eyes found his instantly and your hands, which had been fixing his sunglasses on your head froze in your hair. He nodded subtly as he curled his fingers in the fabric of your shirt. “You have been… such a beautiful light in my life. I love you so damn much. I just need you to know that.”

“Oh, James.” You pulled him toward you and crashed your lips to his. You could instantly feel his shoulders relax under your arms as he pulled you impossibly closer to his chest. You pulled back after a moment to look at his light-filled blue eyes. “I love you, too, Buck. So much.” He kissed you once more, passionately and leaned back on his bike to look at you. With a smirk, he reached up and pushed his sunglasses down on your face.

“Now you’re a biker’s old lady.” You rolled your eyes behind his shades as you fixed your hair.

“Well we might as well capture the moment.” It was his turn to roll your eyes as you pulled your camera out of your messenger bag. With a couple clicks of your camera, you captured the one you had printed. You had captured yourself squealing as Bucky blew a raspberry on your cheek. It was cheesy but adorable and you loved it so much. It showed the soft, sensitive side of the biker you had fallen in love with. A softer side that all the boys in the club had that most people were too judgmental to stop to see.

“(Y/N), these are perfect.” Natasha said as she looked around at the last group of photos. She looked up at you with a smile as she passed off the photo she was holding and reached out to pull you in for a hug. She took a step back and turned to the group. “Let’s here it for our new resident photographer!” The room erupted in cheers as the photos were carefully passed around. You smiled and stepped back against Bucky’s chest as people started coming over to congratulate you.

“I am… so, so proud of you for this, (Y/N).” Harley said with a smile. “I’d love to stay but I have patients early…” You nodded as she gave you a quick hug.

“Thanks so much for coming. It meant a lot for you to be here.” She nodded and pat your arm.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She dipped past you with a small wave as Bucky rubbed your back.

“Way to go, baby doll.” He whispered in your ear. You smiled up at him and gave him a chaste kiss as Clint came over to see if you would consider doing photos of his family.

——

The party went on for hours and the longer you were there, trying to get used to being in a group of people, the more uncomfortable you got. At the top of the third hour, you needed a break. You tried finding Natasha and Bucky to let them know you were heading back to your room for a moment but they were lost in the swirl of faces that seemed to keep getting bigger as the night went on. You set down your drink on one of the many tables and headed to the dorm rooms in the back of the club house.

You felt a little light headed, curtesy of the drinks you had that night. You could feel a slight panic attack coming on from all the people but knew that getting to your room at that moment was exactly what you needed to do. The people… your friends, which was still a slightly foreign concept to you, would totally understand if you went and laid down for a moment to collect yourself. You could almost hear your bed calling out your name. As you reached out for your door knob, a work calloused hand fisted itself in your hair.

“Are you proud of your little show, darling?” Loki hissed in your ear as he reached out to grab your door knob. You screamed the first part of Bucky’s name before Loki slapped his hand over your mouth and wrapped his other arm around your middle as he pushed you into your room with his hip. “Ah ah. No yelling. Wouldn’t want anything to happen now, would we?” You quickly bit down on his fingers and began thrashing with every ounce of strength you had.

“Bucky! Tasha!” You screamed as you fought to get out of Loki’s tightening grip. You spun out of his grip and his fist collided with your cheek. You threw the lamp from your bedside table at his skull and scrambled to get away from the man. “Bucky!” Tears streamed down your cheeks as you lurched over the bed and grabbed a vase of flowers you had bought a few days before.

“Shut up, you bitch!” Loki growled as he lunged toward you. You smashed the vase on the side of his head and stumbled toward the door just as Bucky threw it open. He took one look at you and your room and quickly passed you off to Natasha.

“You are fucking dead.” He growled as he grabbed his now former brother by the back of his neck and slammed his fist into Loki’s face.

“Get him outta my club.” Steve said as he stood between you and his wife and the bedroom door. You heard Thor screaming at his brother as Tony and Clint dragged him out of the club. You lurched in Nat’s arms when Bucky touched your arm.

“No, shh. It’s OK.” You burst into tears and practically scrambled into his arms. “Shh, baby, I’m here.”

“Party’s over, people.” Steve called out as he started to clear the hall. You sobbed into Bucky’s shoulder as he lifted you up and carried you into your room.

“Nat, can you get me some ice?” He asked as he sat down on the bed. He maneuvered you on his thighs so you were facing the wall and the knocked over photo frame of a picture of the two of you. He whispered reassurances to you as he glanced at the bruise already forming on your cheek. With tears in his eyes, he cradled your head to his chest.

“He’s out.” Steve said softly from the door way as Natasha came over. She moved in an arch until she was in your line of sight and came up to you with the ice slowly.

“Do you wanna stay here tonight, honey? Or you and Bucky can come to my house and stay with us for a bit…” You looked up at her and searched her eyes, trying to figure out what to do.

“I… I don’t…” You said as your tears filled your eyes faster.

“I’ll pack a bag for us. I don’t want her here tonight.” Natasha glanced up at him and nodded as she held out the ice to you.

“Thank you.” You said softly as you took the bag from her. She gave you a small smile and got up to give you a minute of privacy before you all headed to her and Steve’s house. “I’m sorry.” You said softly. Bucky shook his head and maneuvered you back to look at you.  
“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” His darkened eyes searched yours as he shook his head.   
“That was not your fault…”

“I broke your lamp.” His brow furrowed and his eyes darted over to your bedside table.

“You… what?” You leaned away from him and picked up a piece of the lamp.

“Self defense class Harley suggested I take. They told me to use what ever I could to get away.” He huffed a laugh and it slowly turned into a chuckle.

“Oh, my love.” He said softly as he shook his head. He kissed your forehead and moved you to the bed beside him. “Put that ice on your cheek while I pack. And don’t get up, you’ll cut your bare feet.” You nodded at him and tucked your feet up on the bed under you as he started packing an over night bag for the two of you until he could get one of the prospects to clean up the room.

——

“Hey sweetie.” You could help but jump a bit at the sound of Natasha’s voice and she smiled weakly at you. She held her hands up in surrender as she walked into the kitchen just as the sun was starting to peak through her kitchen window. “Sorry.” You shook your head at her and set down your coffee mug.

“You’re fine.” She came over to make her own coffee and glanced over at you.

“How are you?” You glanced over at her and tried not to tear up, unsuccessfully.

“Scared.” She nodded and guided you over to the table.

“And you have the right to be, sweetie. That was a scary thing.” You nodded in agreement as she went over to grab your coffee. “I’m sorry that it happened. I didn’t know Loki was that unstable.”

“It’s not your fault.” You sighed as you ran your fingers through your wild hair. You massaged the back of your head with the pads of your fingers and shook your head. “My head keeps telling me that it’s my fault. But I can hear you and Bucky and… and Dr. Quinn in there all telling me it’s not.” Tears welled in your eyes as you moved your hand to touch your swollen cheek with your fingertips. “I just keep asking myself why me? What did I do to keep deserving this?” Natasha reached out and gently pulled your hand away from your face.

“You did nothing to deserve this. Not a single fucking thing. Jeff is a scumbag piece of shit and Loki… well he’s a fucking tool that I never trusted.” She reached up and put the tip of her pointer finger on your jaw and turned your face so you would look at her. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve Bucky. You absolutely, positively, one hundred and fifty percent do not deserve what those two scumbags did to you.” She moved her hand off your jaw and squeezed your hand in hers. “You are better than that. And now, I want you to remember how strong you are. How strong you have become the past couple months and how strong you were to get yourself out of that situation.” She smirked and huffed a laugh as she pat your hand. “And girl, I am so proud of you for kicking that dickhead’s ass.”

“So am I, doll.” You both looked up at Bucky, who was leaning in the doorway to the kitchen. He nodded at you and came over to sit down across the table from you. “I am so proud of how far you have come in the past five months. Please, please don’t let this set you back.” You nodded at him as you offered him your other hand.

“As long as you two promise to stay by my side, I won’t.” You looked between their smiling faces as they both nodded at you.

“We’re not going anywhere, love.” Bucky said as he laced his fingers with yours.

“Who else is gunna take sexy pictures of and with me?”

“Yea, about that.” Bucky said as he let go of your hand and grabbed your coffee mug to refill it for you. “That picture of the two of you on our bikes is not going up in your office.” You smirked and glanced over at Nat.

“Sorry, baby. Nat and I voted and you lost on that one.” Your best friend high-fived you as Bucky chuckled from the coffee pot.

“You think so.” He said as he set your mug back on the edge of the table and pushed it over in front of you. He sighed and shook his head. “I’d say just wait and see what Steve has to say about it but I know the two of you have us wrapped around your fingers.”

“It’s a girl thing, Buck. And now you have two girls in your life you can’t say no to…” Natasha said as she leaned back in her chair.

“You and Steve are both screwed.” You giggled as you looked back at him. He scowled and came over to physically turn your head around.

“Drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Yea… no, yea that’s fine… yea…” You smirked and glanced over at Bucky as he sat at the table in Natasha’s kitchen on the phone while he looked at the paper.

“No.” You said, causing him to barely glance up at you. Your best friend giggled as she made breakfast.

“Well yea…”

“No.” You said again as you tucked your feet up on the chair so your knees were under your chin. You caught your boyfriend’s attention completely and he moved the phone away from his mouth.

“Ye…”

“No.” You interrupted. He grabbed a thin section of the paper off the table, stretched out and bopped you on the head with it. “No!”

“Yea… yea, you got it.” He snapped his burner phone closed and glared at you. “What are you saying ‘no’ for?” You shrugged as you rested your cheek on your knee, instantly regretting it and moving to set your chin on the dip instead.

“You kept saying yes.” He sighed and shook his head as Natasha finished making French toast to go with the bacon and eggs on the table. Having house guests for breakfast was one of her favorite things.

“You’re such a pain.” He stood up and leaned across the little table to give you a chaste kiss.

“You love me anyways.” You said as he sat back down to finish the paper before Steve got out of the shower. With a soft ‘thanks’ to Natasha for breakfast, you started eating as someone knocked on the front door.

“’s’open!” She and Steve called out as he walked past on the way to the kitchen for some coffee. You barely paid his half naked self any mind as chief deputy Phil Coulson came into the kitchen.

“Oh, so I have both of you. Good.” You glanced up at the cop but looked away so he wouldn’t see your swollen and obviously bruised cheek. Your phone beeped at that moment and you quickly distracted yourself with the email. “We found one of your club members dead this morning.” You forced yourself not to move your eyes away from your phone screen and the email from a travel agency you used to work for.

“That so?” Steve said as he leaned on the counter, coffee mug in hand. “Who?”

“Loki Odinson.” You gasped and your hand flew to your mouth, causing everyone in the room to look over at you.

“I got the job.” You said softly as you looked up at Bucky. “My old boss saw my new portfolio and wants me to come in.”

“Way to go, baby doll! When does he want you to come in?” You noticed he was scratching his cheek; his subtle way of reminding you to not show Coulson and you quickly looked away. But not quick enough.

“What the hell happened to you?” You noticed he took a step closer to the table to look at you and before your friends could say anything, you looked up at him.

“I was drunk and tripped trying to take off my thong before bed. Clipped the table and didn’t even get laid.” You looked back at your phone with a completely straight face as Steve choked on his coffee, Nat turned back to the stove and Bucky picked up the newspaper again to hide their laughter. Phil took a step back and his face flushed.

“Oh. Well… um…”

“Quit picturing my girl naked.” Bucky said as he set the paper back down and grabbed his coffee. “Why are you here again?”

“Oh, right.” The deputy cleared his throat and forced his eyes away from you as you re-read your email. “We found Loki’s body…”

“That’s unfortunate.” Steve said as he came over to refill the coffee mugs on the table.

“Where’d you find him?” Bucky asked as he folded up the sports section and put it down.

“Sheepshead Bay.” You glanced up under the ruse of grabbing your coffee and barely caught Natasha’s eye behind Coulson’s back. She subtly shook her head and gestured to your nearly forgotten breakfast with her chin.

“Well thanks for letting us know. We’ll let his brother know.” Steve said as he headed over to commandeer Bucky’s breakfast plate. The latter balled up a page of the business section and threw it at his best friend’s head but Steve simply flicked him off.

“OK, I have to ask.” Coulson said as he turned to look at the two Avengers. “Did you guys have something to do with this?” Both men looked up at him and immediately pointed at you and Nat respectively.

“I was trying to get laid.” Bucky said.

“I was getting laid.” Steve said as Nat gave Bucky his plate.

“Yea, the whole neighborhood knows that.” You muttered under your breath. Natasha quickly leaned across the table and whacked your arm with a scowl.

“I’m not that loud.” She said as she went back to make her own plate. You huffed a laugh and nodded.

“Yea, you are.” The three of you said at the same time. She growled at you and gestured to the three of you with her spatula.

“See if I make you breakfast ever again.” You glanced over at Bucky as his phone rang. He glanced at the screen and got up from the table.

“Yea?”

“No!” He scowled at you and headed into the living room to take the call.

“Look, while we love seeing you, Phillip, we’re kinda having breakfast.” Natasha said with a smile up at him. He nodded and stepped around the table to leave.

“(Y/N), you should get that cheek checked out.” You glanced over at him and nodded against your knees.

“I’m going to see Dr. Maximoff later today.” He nodded at you and slowly headed out of the house. He wasn’t stupid; he knew that the club was responsible for Loki’s death but Clint, the club’s expert killer wasn’t one to leave any evidence behind.

“Duty calls.” Bucky said as he came back into the kitchen. Steve nodded and shoveled a few more bites into his mouth before getting up to finish getting ready. Bucky kissed your forehead. “Stay with Nat today. And stay out of the room…”

“I need my laptop and my camera.” He paused and glanced over at Natasha.

“Yea, I got it.” He gave her a short nod as he snagged a piece of bacon off his half finished plate.

“Love you, baby. I’ll see you here tonight.” You nodded at him and gave him a chaste kiss as Steve came in.

“Take her to the gun shop, Tasha.” He said as he took another bite of food. “On us.” Nat nodded as she ate her breakfast casually.

“And take her to Wanda to look at that cheek.” She continued to nod at Bucky as Steve gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Love you, be safe.” Steve nodded at her as Bucky came over to give you one more kiss.

“Don’t talk to anyone but Nat and the club. I know that bitch, Hill will try to come after you ‘cause she’ll think you’re weak. Just tell her you won’t say anything without your lawyer and a warrant.” You nodded at him as Natasha sighed.

“It’s not my first rodeo, guys. I can take care of my friend.” You glanced up at Bucky with a smile and reached up to pat his cheek.

“I’ll be OK, Buck. Promise.” He nodded as Steve’s phone started to ring.

“Be good, baby doll.” You nodded as he grabbed his kutte off the back of his chair.

“Bye boys.” Nat called out as you grabbed your cup of coffee and watched Steve and Bucky leave. Natasha grabbed the front page of the news paper and sighed. “I don’t know why I bother making breakfast when he runs out the door half the time and doesn’t even get to enjoy it.’’

“Well I am enjoying it.” You said as you speared some eggs and held it up. “Thanks for this, by the way.” She waved you off and looked up from the paper.

“Anything for you, sweetheart. That’s what friends are for.”


End file.
